n o d d y b o o m

we are back from sonoma county.  sigh.  i have lovely photos of absolutely delicious, locally grown/produced, organic food and farms and beaches, etc. that i will post a different day when i can conjure up a few more moments for myself on the computer, but i will just say that it was truly awesome and refreshing and lovely (a bit cold - already??? - but still) and fun (most of the time) to spend such intimate time together up north in a place that is so connected with the land and where our food comes from - in an organic, locally grown sense.  that's how it all works out in my head, anyway.  i think the kids' favorite part was the beach with all the driftwood (and the cheap wooden airplanes we got at willow wood cafe that flew for an hour) and the sticky buns we ate at wildflour bakery and the giant sunflower garden right next door that we wandered in for 45 minutes pretending we were in a magical forest and the snowbunny organic frozen yogurt made from straus nonfat milk with miniature peanut butter cups on top that we got in healdsburg and the jumpy in the park that followed the frozen yogurt.  they weren't exactly thrilled with all the driving around and the houses we inevitably dragged them around to look at, like we do every time we drive up there, conjuring up visions of a life lived in the country, that's really not accessible to us, at the moment, much as we might like for it to be, (there are a lot of commas in this sentence - i don't know how that happened), but they were good sports about it.  great, actually.

now we are back and i am immersed in the yard project again, researching edible landscaping and native plants and sustainable solutions and the latest drip irrigation systems, etc.  very exciting, but also quite frustrating and overwhelming at times, but not so much as it was two months ago.  all those trips to the library have begun to pay off, as i am finally narrowing things down, which is saying a lot, for me.  plus, i had a lovely meeting with a gentleman from the city of santa monica's environmental programs division today, who was coming over to fine me for water run-off coming from a pipe in my property that's been there since we bought the house, oh, 8-9 years ago.  a discharge pipe for the air-conditioning, but apparently all the drains in our hardscaped back yard run into it as well.  oops.  anyhoo, too much water running into the alleyway, darn it.  apparently the gardeners who originally installed our "drip" system 6-7 years ago, put in something that floods the plants too fast (and the timer is set for too long) and thus excess water is leaking out the bottom of our planters, etc.  i'm so ashamed.  apparently it's quite common.  most people have no idea their timers or sprinklers or what have you are over-watering their plants.  and the run-off traveling down the alley and into the gutters as carrying oil and god-knows-what-else right into santa monica bay, so it is a real "no-no".  there are all kinds of solutions to this, which they list on their website here.  i care and i'm dealing with it, so santa moonica's not going to fine me (thank you, thank you).  it all falls in line with what i was trying to do anyway, which is to turn the yard into all edibles and natives and to make it all function as efficiently as possible.  i really do want to be a part of the solution.

that's one thing on my plate.

the other is that i have piles and piles of yarn and fabric and tools and equipment in every corner of my studio, on the floor and on table tops, screaming for shelves, screaming to be organized so that i can function in here, once school starts up, and begin producing things again for my little shoppe.  everything is staring at me right now as i type and all i can do is stare back and shrug my shoulders, for the moment.  but at least my studio is a lovely new shade of robin's egg blue.  i love it.  it makes me sooooo happy!

and finally...

today i started taking gaba.  it's one of the "natural" remedies that was prescribed to me by the psychiatrist who reviewed my brain scan last week (i voted for "natural" remedies over other medecine to help me deal with my ADD).  it is supposed to help with anxiety and irritability.  i'm intrigued.  i will let you know how it goes.  it's just one of the many things that was recommended.  there were also vitamins and dietary suggestions and exercise, etc.  i realize i haven't posted a follow-up to all those brain scans i had.  i will.  i just truly haven't had time. 

i hope everyone is enjoying the last remaining days of their summer vacation.  it is bittersweet for me and all tangled up with everything we are working on at our house, which keeps us constantly preoccupied, but i still feel it, these lingering moments that are already almost like pictures in my mind of my children, smiling, laughing, playing and about to enter kindergarten and second grade for the first time.  and it's beautiful.

August 13, 2008

plans are in the works for a pirate party, at the end of this month,  for a little guy who's turning five (!!?).

the invite is coming out pretty cute but took forever, but that's how it is, don't you know.  thank you again to the dumpr lomo effect and picnik (for those rounded edges that i adore) and image-ready to get the whole thing together. 

i usually email my invites and i don't think i will stop now, but i was hoping to print out a nice paper copy for the old scrapbook that i might one day get around to putting together.  i want something the quality of those moo cards, but postcard sized.  does anyone have any idea where i might find this online?  help!!

good news!  we are leaving tomorrow on a spontaneous trip to san fran.  yahoo.  i get to pretend like i have no responsibilities for four days, eat my favorite burritos and march around in the redwoods with chris and the kids.  glee.

i wish you all a glorious week and week-end and will see you again next week (hopefully with lots of photos).

cheers!

p.s. i finished "geek love" and oh my lord!  anyhoo, on to "the year of the goat", so far very, very readable and re-kindling that old desire of mine to break free from the city and live on the land (except when i think of all the snakes and spiders, etc., i'd have to share that land with and then i come scurrying back to my safe and sheltered city abode, and put my name on the list for the local community garden.  ahem). 

there are a lot of holes in our walls, at the moment. 
the kids are joining the party and making their own holes:

too cute.  love those large boxes.  there truly is no better toy.  (they actually had a "sleepover" in those things, little silly's.  marley looked like "alice in wonderland", with her long arms and legs sticking out of the "house"). 

lots going on around here.  much patching and painting and fixing of things.  the dishwasher broke.  the garage doors broke.  the t.v. broke.  the pool cover broke.  the air conditioning broke.  the cars broke.  i guess everything just needed a break.  (i know i do - haha.  from things breaking, anyway).  but that's the way it goes every once in a while.  we're all in (basically) good spirits about the whole thing.  we have the olympics to keep us distracted entertained (GO AMERICA!)  - so fun to be insanely patriotic, all of a sudden - and we are counting our blessings that we are able to fix things, at the moment, as annoying as it is to focus on the frivolous.  thank you, thank you, powers that be.

my little shoppe is on hiatus, as my studio is part of what's under construction at our house, but it will soon be up and running again.  i miss it, as i do this blog, which i have been unable to spend nearly enough time with due to all the hullabaloo in my life (that i should be blogging about),  but soon, soon, hopefully, i will be back much more often, with lots more to talk about.

be well, everyone!

august 6, 2008

my husband all decked out and handsome as can be for our very dear friends' wedding.  me, (sorry - no photo - i hardly ever share the camera) reflecting and filled with so many memories of our own wedding, ten years ago (!!) and just loving you more and more each day, sweetie, with every step that we take, in this great life.

best.  wedding.  ever.  finally.  thank you for having us.  dani and nick,  you were and are both radiant as ever, and we are sooo happy  you have found each other, and that we get to be part of your lives.  truly.

having fun with dumpr and picnik, at the moment, which is how i got the lomography effect and the rounded edges on these photos.  fun.  i don't know how they will print out.  i am ordering copies and we shall see.  i have yet to find an online print house that i truly love.  i miss the different kinds of paper i used to be able to work with in film school, when i developed the photos myself.  i'm not doing that anymore, but i still hope to find a similar paper quality at some point, to print digitals.

 

matchbox game:

place a pile of very small objects next to each player:  rice or other grains, small beads, matchsticks, etc.  each player fills his/her matchbox with as many things as they can, without it overflowing (the objects have to be level with the top of the container).  when everyone has done this, they each count how many objects they were able to put in their matchbox.  the one with the most objects in their box "wins".  from "the big summer activity book".  such a simple game and yet this one kept my kids busy for a couple of days.  especially marley, who's really quite into counting, at the moment.  she was able, at one point, to put 259 objects in her matchbox.

i have finished reading "flowers for algernon" and i highly recommend it, though half way through, i wasn't sure i'd be able to finish it.  while i found myself fascinated by the concept of a story told through the eyes of a man who, born mentally retarded, becomes suddenly genius thanks to surgery,  i was equally turned off by the character's troubled and abusive past that is revealed as he becomes more intelligent and recovers certain memories.  i have a hard time digesting this sort of thing, people abusing other people, be it fiction or real life accounts.  it's horrible, some of the stories you hear in the news sometimes.  we human beings, some of us, are still so far away from becoming totally human, i think.  it saddens me too much, so i try not to focus on it.  i'm not sure whether that's the right approach, but it's what i must do at the moment.  that and just try to raise my own children in the most loving way possible with a deep appreciation for life and for the lives of those around them.  i will find my own way to do more in time, but for now i have learned it is unhealthy for myself to be exposed to negative information more than absolutely necessary.  anyway, the book was very well written to the bitter end, and i'm glad i made it all the way there.

that said, i have moved on to "geek love".  strange, but fascinating, thus far.  all of these books, i am finding at the library, which is so fun, easy and convenient to use these days.  i am so proud of myself for not indulging the impulse buyer in me.  pat, pat.

i had my first brain scan today.  i am undecided as to how i feel about the whole thing.  on the one hand, everyone at the clinic was very nice and very organized and they all seem to "know" what they're doing and on the other hand i felt like a lab rat.  a guinea pig.  i was their experiment and i was paying for it.  i wonder about that, still i have this morbid curiosity about the whole thing.  one of the tests i had to perform felt like something out of "clockwork orange";  i had to sit in the dark in front of a computer screen that was flashing white letters from the alphabet at me at varying time intervals.  every time i saw a letter i had to immediately press the space bar.  except if it was a letter "x".  this went on for ten or fifteen minutes.  it was incredibly annoying and hard on the eyes.  i can only imagine what kind of information about my brain they are garnering from that test.  they haven't told me anything yet. 

anyway, i am set on following through with everything, despite my doubts, just to see what kind of "evaluation" they pull together and i am equally curious about what kind of "treatment options" they will ultimately offer.  during the "interview" part of the process today (which lasted about two hours) there were a few bits that came up (on the part of the interviewer recommending certain books that address certain behaviors) that were all too similar to some of the kundalini yoga methodology (among other things) i've studied in the past, so i have to wonder if this is really any different than anything else?  is this just some scientist "discovering" something that has already been discovered (by ancient cultures and practices) about how to deal with common reactions to stress?  hmmm.  i wonder.  we shall see. 

i am meant to have my next scan next week, but i might postpone it to the following week because there is a slim chance that chris will have next week off, in which case we are taking a family road-trip up north, fingers crossed.  anyway, one more scan and then the evaluation and we will see what we shall see.

for whatever reason, i could not fall asleep last night until after 1:30 am and was woken at the usual early hour, so i am not myself today.  i need a nap, but i resist it because there is ever so much to do always.  oh well.  one of these days i will learn to let go and give in, etc.

the kids are older now and we can toss a frisbee around at the park/beach/etc.  it's nice.  i had forgotten how nice.   i remember always loving the same simple game as a child.  there's something about finally learning to flick the wrist just right and make the *perfect* toss.  fun.  chris and i actually met through a group that used to play ultimate frisbee together.  i miss that.  rough game, ultimate frisbee (i saw quite a few fingers get broken during that one) but fun.  gets the blood moving.  we had to quit when marley was born, because it was impossible (you can't hold a baby in a sling and run around chasing frisbees).  and now those people have long since moved away and grown apart, etc.  it would be nice to get a group together again, though.  for that or something else.  community gathering is nice.  i will plant that seed in my mind somewhere.

chris was right about that picture not being to scale (the one i put together for the yard).  i went outside and measured everything and put a new one together and it looks something like this:

quite different.  as you can see, it was rather wishful thinking to stick that "shed" up there above the garage and the umbrella i was drooling over is absolutely enormous (octagon center right)!  hmmmm.  i omitted the picnic table from this drawing, because it's being reassembled and i didn't have the measurements.  but anyhoo, look how squished the seating area is up there near the fireplace!?  so sad.  i really hoped to put some sort of shelter up there.  i had a whole plan in my head about how great it would be for the kids, but honestly, it's not like they need it for goodness sake.   no,  i'm going to have to re-draw this the way chris was envisioning, with the fireplace in the corner and the seating arranged around it.  maybe there's some other way to create a "shelter" without actually having a shed.  i'll have to put my thinking cap on. those hedges up there are really bothering me (green rectangles top left).  look how much room they take up!  and the fact that there's nothing in the corner??  why in the world did we plan it that way years ago?  oh well.  maybe we can sqootch them around and get more creative.  we shall see.  oh, if only i had a forest in my backyard.  i wouldn't need any of this.  not that i "need" it either way, but a forest would certainly be a fantastic alternative to concrete.  that, or a farm.  ;)

july twenty-eight, 2008

i am completely obsessed with our yard at the moment.  we started re-doing the landscape design last year and then promptly ran out of money, right after we had torn out the playground equipment.  the kids were a little disappointed because we had discussed all these plans of creating the *perfect* environment for all of us, and really turning it into a kid-haven (in exchange for losing the swing set), but those plans quickly got shut down when the money ran dry.  oops.  but now we have money to spend again and so i am determined, after ten years of living in this house and having done little-to-not-much on the yard to finally make it as enjoyable as possible for all of us before we spend the money on something else and then not have any left for the yard.  again. 

we are trying to do this without a designer and i have a difficult time making up my mind about things, plus i'm picky, so this project is a bit of a challenge, but i think i'm finally closing in on something.

this is kind of what our back yard looks like right now.  there is a small pool over there to the right, that you could maybe play volleyball in, if you had a net, but that's about it.  it's more like a glorified jacuzzi, but too expensive to heat like you would a jacuzzi, and without bubbles, so it remains a dipping pool.  on the left is a raised "mystery area" over our garage.  we have never known what to do with it and so it has remained unused all these years.  i guess we could have thrown a couple of lawn chairs up there, but oh well.

anyway, i fidgeted around on illustrator (this is my first time doing something like this, i have no idea how to really use that program) and put together this sort-of chart of a new design/layout idea i'm toying with:
 

chris has pointed out that this is not to scale.  yes, indeed.  i have no idea how to make it "to scale", but i will try later on today.

i have to put it all here in my "journal" or i will forget everything i spent the last couple of days weeks figuring out, so bear with me and my craziness, please. 

we have an entirely hard-scaped back yard, which makes my dreams of having a huge organic garden pretty much impossible, at least in this house, but i aspire to do the best i can in pots.

the tour:

so...  that rectangle with the "ball chair" pic. in it (top left) in it is one of those modern sheds, that I thought the kids and i could share as an escape pod.  a destination point, up there, if you will.  a club house/cozy nook/possible painting area.  those circles to the right of it would be citrus trees and the three light green rectangles to the right of that would be these "food map containers" i found in the back of the latest edition of dwell magazine.  they're pretty cool.  recycled plastic containers on wheels, specifically for growing food and mobile, so you can move them where the sun is.  anyhoo, those would be what i would grow my organic edibles in. 

the three large dark green squares to the right of those would be apple trees that i could try to espaliate on the fence (not sure if it would work, considering they're in pots, but it's worth a shot).  to the left, back in front of the shed, is an orange couch (yet to be found) and two vintage metal chairs that i had powder-coated orange which would be surrounding a little table (yet to be found) adjacent to my dream fireplace (quite necessary for roasting marshmallows and such).  below the couch, the 5 small green circles represent pomegranate trees.  the four circles, both large and small, below that are all citrus trees (they seem to do well in my yard, unlike other things we have tried, like roses.  plus, they produce fruit).  below that is our orange picnic table (it used to be red.  we had the metal legs sand-blasted and then powder-coated orange and we're replacing the wood and painting it orange as well).  Below the table, the three squares are blueberry bushes with citrus trees on either side.  And to the right, those two light green circles would maybe be native grasses - not sure.  they currently house strawberry plants, but the kids have lost interest and they get attacked by rats and snails, mainly, so i think a change is in order.   I don't want anything too tall, because they're right in front of our den window and i need to be able to look out and see the kids in and around the mini-pool (big blue rectangle, upper right).  The green circle to the far right of that is another citrus.

i'm going to go measure the yard now and see if i can figure out how to make this more to scale and thus, see if any of it would really work.  chris isn't a fan of the shed idea up above, he just wants a fireplace and seating area, but i've always fantasized about a hide-out for both the kids and myself, so we'll see.  it's all just floating around in my brain at the moment trying to work itself out.  i warmly invite any suggestions from anyone who has an opinion on the matter.

have a happy day!

oh, p.s., that rectangle with the circle in it to the left of the orange picnic table is the would-be barbeque and those hexagon things are umbrellas.  just to clarify.  cheers!

p.p.s., may i just say that there are no truly great parks to go to with kids in los angeles and i am really feeling that, this summer?  i am having a very hard time coming up with cool outdoorsy things to do.  i mean, how many times can you go to temescal or to the incredibly crowded, public beach?  dammit, LA!!  how could you only dedicate 6% of your land to parks!  even new york dedicates 16% of its land to park land and has that incredible central park filled with wonderful places for kids to play.  sigh.  i wish ever so much that we had time to do a road trip up north to the redwoods, but alas, it's not looking like it's in the cards.  boo.  hoo. 

a typical ADD moment.

i can't find a library book.  i know we had it.  i can remember checking it out with the kids and wondering why they wanted that one, since we have the same one at home, but oh well. 

it's gone.  i can't find it anywhere and we're about to leave on vacation for two weeks and i wanted to return all the library books before we left.  it's nowhere to be found.  i ask our housekeeper to search the house for it while we're in colorado.  for two weeks she searches but can't find it.  we get home and i begin searching again.  i can't imagine where it must have gotten too.  i swear to devise a library book system so this won't happen again.  i show our housekeeper the copy of the book that we have, "eloise at christmastime", that's just like the library book.  i know the book i show her is ours - not the library's -  because it's signed.  i never have anything signed, but i did that day, because a friend of mine was going to get hers signed and she was raving about this book that i'd never read before and so i went to the signing. my friend never showed up,  but i waited in line anyway, and now i have all these eloise books inscribed by hilary knight.  anyway, we can't find the book.  so i go to the library and admit defeat.  no problem, the librarian says.  just buy a new copy to replace it.  fine.  i write down the title on a piece of paper and stick it in my purse.  how funny, i say to her.  we have "eloise at christmastime".  i wonder why they would make that and "eloise's christmas".  strange.  oh well, i hope it isn't an old edition, because the library wants me to replace the book with a NEW copy.  the librarian shrugs.  this morning i'm cleaning out my purse and i find the note with the title written on it.  oh yeah, i think, i'm supposed to replace this book.  so i go onto amazon to order it.  i type in the title that i've written on the piece of paper:  "madeline's christmas".  the picture of the cover pops up.  wow, i think, that looks completely different than the one we have...  wait a minute. 

bam.  i make the connection.  finally. 

this whole time we've been scouring the shelves for an eloise book and really, the book that was missing was "MADELINE's christmas".  and what's amazing is that the librarian didn't even catch it yesterday, not to mention the fact that i didn't catch it yesterday, even as i wrote down the title, "madeline's christmas".  i still thought i was searching for an eloise book.  isn't that amazing?  so i went upstairs and found the missing library book in under a minute.  there it was on the shelf the whole time.  unbelievable.  this is the brain i live with, folks.  you've gotta love it.  just thought i would share.

p.s. typepad, you are pissing me off.  you are very slow and spinny today.

i am fiddling with my blog and trying to settle on a design (or at least a design for the season or month), so bear with me.

we are back in our house, but still busy with patching and mending, etc., not to mention the many things families do on summer vacations, and so, not a lot of time for blogging, but i'll be up and running again in no time.  i enjoy it too much.

anyhoo...

i realized one day that i have adult ADD (i don't have the hyperactivity part, which would be classified as ADHD).  i realized this when i read one of "one good bumblebee's" posts about it one day and found that i could relate to just about everything she was saying.  i conveniently forgot very shortly thereafter, but i realized it again recently during a conversation and looked it up on wikipedia, which lists all of the following behavior traits:

1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
2. Difficulty getting organized.
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
6. A frequent search for high stimulation.
7. An intolerance of boredom.
8. Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent
10. Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure.
11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
13. Changing plans, enacting new schemes or career plans and the like; hot-tempered.
14. A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers.
15. A sense of insecurity.
16. Mood swings, mood lability, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
17. Physical or cognitive restlessness.
18. A tendency toward addictive behavior.
19. Chronic problems with self-esteem.
20. Inaccurate self-observation.
21. Family history of AD/HD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.

it says on there that if a person has twelve or more of these behaviors, they should consider professional diagnosis.

well, i can relate to all twenty-one of these. all twenty-one. 

isn't that wild, all this time, i thought it was just me being ridiculous?  but no, this is clinical behavior.  i'm not the only one who suffers with this.  this really exists.  phew.

my doctor says it's as if my antenna is on crooked and therefore, the information i receive tends to twirl around in my brain for a while before it finally gets re-directed to the appropriate spot.  he is sending me to a brain clinic where they look at how my brain does things and then gives me various treatment options based on how my particular symptoms (or something like that).  i'll let you know how it goes.

i'm just so happy i can put a label on things.  now that i know what i'm dealing with, i feel like i can be more proactive in resolving the things in my life that (i do that) drive me insane.  how lovely.

anyway, i just thought i'd share.  other than that, everything is dandy.  the kids are sprouting like weeds and i recently spent more money than i care to admit on legos, which is a first for me (did you know that they make a harry potter set???  now honestly, who can turn that up?).  man.  just googled "harry potter legos" and found way too many things, so i won't bother putting a link.  you can just google for yourself.  obviously i'm quite slow on the draw.

i'm off to bed with a beer and a book.

sleep well.

 

more photos from our colorado trip.  i have been meaning to post these, but the days keep running away from me and as we are still not back at our house (we are staying elsewhere while the repairs continue),  i am less inclined to get on the computer, (not having my own space, etc).

you get an idea of how beautiful it was.  one day i will put a photo album together of all the trips we've taken, so the whole family can enjoy it, like my cousin does (writing blog entries such as this about our trips makes me think of this).  i'll get samples from different publishers until i find exactly the quality i'm looking for in a photo album.  thick, matt pages.  excellent quality prints.  simple, clean format.  flawless design.  i've heard blurb is good.  and i really like the quality of the books the black apple has printed out, so we shall see.  there is a mountain of photo albums in my basement that either needs to be assembled or scanned and sorted out.  it is a lot of work.  i really wish i had kept up with it as we went along, but that is just not how i seem do things.  yet.  (i am hopeful)